Strawberry Fields.

School has been fine. Friends have been great. Fear of speaking in front of people I don't know in class has gone down. Feelings of anger and confusion have been easily spotted, and easier than ever before might I add.

Work is good. I dread going when I have to, but it hasn't been bad and only have two incidents occured where I strongly disliked the person I was helping; still, they insisted I did amazingly and was a great cashier. Do I believe them entirely? No; but I like when people think I don't suck horribly at any given thing.

Little things count immensely again; I am regaining the thoughts of a good Brittney from years ago. I am beginning to care less of stupid, idiotic things that a year ago had consumed my mind. I am glad to say I like where I am and where it looks like I am going.

This week should be good, and hopefully work calls next week when the store opens instead of this week....

Drive my car.

This past week has been...slow. Slow and steady, yet fast in some weird way. The problems with my schedule did not cease to exist until the third day of school--pretty fast for the school. I have all the classes I wanted, though I am sad I cannot TA for Mrs. Rosenthal again.

A run-through of classes:

AP Art History - Better than expected. I always enjoyed having Mr. Spica as a teacher, and I actually became more interested in the subject when he talked about it, and once we started talking about it all.
AP Literature - Good. I like my class a lot, and though I have not had Mr. Kusaka as a teacher before I like the class thus far. No complaints.
Careers with Children - Normally, I do not like standing up in front of the class and talking. But in this one, I do not care. It is a wonderful class and Ms. Goyak is wonderful.
Government - The only regular class...and man is it slow! Jeez. I never thought I would go in one of these classes...Oh well. I like my teacher though, I suppose - Mr. Flores. He is nice, but it is a drag having such a slow class after lunch when everyone is pretty tired.
Volleyball - My last year in the class, and it is sad. I like it though, always do.

I had my first night of work last night, and boy was I tired after it. They asked me to stay an extra hour, and I did. I did not get to finish my cashier training, but I will do that tomorrow from 12-4pm. Then, most likely - I will not have anything this whole entire school week.

I am the walrus.

Tension and emotion were the keywords for today. Loads of tension, with a loads of emotion. These are the days I dread. Too much, too much. I like emotion, tension and anything associated with the two in moderation. Moderation is vital, it makes thing easier to deal with. I was stressed to say the least when I woke up for the second time today.

I actually spoke to my dad today about what was going on and how unfair it all seemed. What I am referring to is not of importance for you and only concerns my family, thus what 'what' is will be concealed for only me to know. He understood and took it to heart. It seems odd how you can only get through maybe fifty percent of the time, and the rest...well, nothing clicks. In one ear, out the other.

My Gateway is 'fixed.' I seemed to have lost my printer software, so I need to figure out how to set it up and I will. I will find something out. Come next year around June/July, I will have a new computer, a laptop for college. I am looking forward to that but know until that time comes my Gateway will be my companion. Not a bad either, we have our bad times though...

School starts on Tuesday, and I am more and more nervous. I feel like I am going to a completely different school, not the one I have known for years.

Things are falling into place, and my emotions are once again easy to control.

And it's about time.

Let it be.

Computer News: Things with my poor Gateway are going horribly! Geek Squad, you did your job, and I told you I had the applications to put on the computer—you trusted me, so did I. What a stupid thing to do. Turns out the applications are nowhere to be found. Upon calling Gateway for help, I was told I needed to buy Windows XP myself for $200. I did. So when I thought all was well…the displays are horrible! For some reason I can only have 4 bit color-display. It won’t allow me to change it. So instead of getting Windows XP, it’s like I bought Windows 95. Needless to say I am pissed, and stumped. I have to have the Geek Squad come to my house and deal with—I just can’t, I’m completely lost at this point. Yes, the system is working, I activated Windows, etc. I even called Gateway for help where I was put on hold about six times, five minutes a piece.

I cancelled my plans for my Sunday. I feel badly about it, but just cannot enjoy any time with anyone when something that completely escapes me is lurking around my head. Maybe another time will be better. I just need this fixed, then my life can go back to normal.

Well, my dad’s computer is reliable, and that’s what I am using right now; however, I miss my computer and my internet.

What I need the Geek Squad for?

• Fix the color/display
• Connect my internet

Just two things! Well, the effect the computer greatly.

I need help. Someone. Anyone!

Docter Robert.

Tomorrow my computer has a doomed appointment in which it will be renewed. Basically, it will be new on the inside but the outside will still be my lovable Gateway PC and HP components. This computer needs some fixing, how can I deny it? Hopefully I will have it back before school starts and if not, my dad's computer can still do everything. Dependable machine, huh?

Unexpected? You could say that about some events today. They were unexpected and entirely unwelcome. It saddens me to know some people have lack of respect, and just do whatever even when it is entirely uncalled for. Persons, think - please.

Tonight is the first football game, and Boys' Volleyball is working. I hope to goodness that things go well, for them. Fundraising is a pain in the butt, and I hope it is nearly painless tonight.

September is here, and it is an odd month. I do not care for September, once it comes around so does the annual school routine.

Paperback writer.

I think it is hard for my dad to realize how nervous I get sometimes. He has always been playing music for people - writing his own songs, singing his own songs, and doing what he loves. In my opinion, it is and will always be a very brave act. And, what is more is that I do not think I need to explain why I think it is just that! It is highly personal and emotional just as it should be.

My parents are go-getters who know what they want, but are entirely different people. My dad is the artiste type. My mom is the technical one, who needs effiency, order, and something to keep her busy. My dad is the one who just lets time do what it will, he is a man of leisure and his life has been good to him for it. I like to think out of my brother and myself, I exhibit a more equal balance of my parents. My brother is incredibly like both but it depends entirely on mood. He can be either; he, in my opinion, can be anyone he wants to be. I can only be me - I cannot change. I am a steady portrait of my mom and dad.

Today I worked all day on four hours' sleep. I have to say, I am happy with today. Happy is a huge step for me right now. I have felt gloomy for the past week, and I open my arms to a day like this. I think I am willing to hold back now, I think I am willing to go back to quiet, understanding, and tolerant Brittney. Probably the one people know.

Help!

I find it hard to believe that most of my online conversations with friends are useless. I used to have deep conversations with mostly everyone, intently trying to figure out something, anything. I only have those with two friends now it seems—Jennifer and Victoria. I barely ever talk to Jennifer anymore, but when I do I am sure glad I did, same with Victoria even though I get to talk to her more often than Jennifer. I find it wasteful that most conversations have no point and most of the people who IM me have no point to talk about anything. Sure, questions are asked and answers are given but true thought—I do not see those in any of the conversations I have. I have mindless conversations, because I have nothing else to do. Sure, I could find something else to do but am too lazy to get up and search for it.

Objects are flung around different rooms I occupy, and for once I am numb to them being that way. I am a neat person, but cannot find energy to put them back in their place. Just like I cannot find the energy to just sit back and let people say certain things. I am impatient right now, extremely impatient—my tolerance level at an all-time low. Maybe I am nervous about everything that will begin come the start of school. I know what my routine schedule will be like and I like the fact that I will not have to wait around for things to happen and do not have to make plans with people to fill my week. Actually, that is what I will not do. I want to wake up, go to school, and after school either go to a game or go to work. I want to make something of the little thing I call my life at this point.

I want something with more substance, and that is anything more than what I have right now.