Help!

I find it hard to believe that most of my online conversations with friends are useless. I used to have deep conversations with mostly everyone, intently trying to figure out something, anything. I only have those with two friends now it seems—Jennifer and Victoria. I barely ever talk to Jennifer anymore, but when I do I am sure glad I did, same with Victoria even though I get to talk to her more often than Jennifer. I find it wasteful that most conversations have no point and most of the people who IM me have no point to talk about anything. Sure, questions are asked and answers are given but true thought—I do not see those in any of the conversations I have. I have mindless conversations, because I have nothing else to do. Sure, I could find something else to do but am too lazy to get up and search for it.

Objects are flung around different rooms I occupy, and for once I am numb to them being that way. I am a neat person, but cannot find energy to put them back in their place. Just like I cannot find the energy to just sit back and let people say certain things. I am impatient right now, extremely impatient—my tolerance level at an all-time low. Maybe I am nervous about everything that will begin come the start of school. I know what my routine schedule will be like and I like the fact that I will not have to wait around for things to happen and do not have to make plans with people to fill my week. Actually, that is what I will not do. I want to wake up, go to school, and after school either go to a game or go to work. I want to make something of the little thing I call my life at this point.

I want something with more substance, and that is anything more than what I have right now.